Theme: “Bleed the Same” By: Mandisa, feat. Toby Mac & Kirk Franklin
Quote: “Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.” -Jesse Jackson
First, I want to preface this week’s blog post; I’m in no way intending to minimize or be insensitive to the atrocities taking place in the world; concerning acts of hate based on the color of one’s skin. I am doing my best to speak carefully and considerately. There are horrible things that have happened in recent present, as well as in the past two hundred plus years here on this continent (America).
I do not seek to compare or say any one group has suffered; more or less. Suffering is suffering, injustice is injustice and a crime against humanity is a crime. We all were created by God; equal. We all deserve; love, respect, and every opportunity anyone else would get. We should not be mistreated or looked down on the basis of; skin color, gender, age, height, weight, sexual orientation, self-identifying, religious beliefs or a lack thereof. In truth I hold firmly to the statement above, by Jesse Jackson. ‘Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping them up.’ [emphasis added].
With this stated, I want to talk about prejudice. I didn’t want to talk about this now, when the topic is so sensitive, due to this most recent and disgusting evil act against a man that should not have died (George Floyd). Yet, I feel such a strong weight on my heart, the need to speak. To share and be open about what I feel, think and fear.
Our nation is one of the most in denial places concerning prejudice. I wish to approach this topic logically and with vulnerability. I do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings; I want to talk about what I have noticed and experienced. Please, do not comment with hate, I will not allow arguments to erupt. I do not care if you are family, friends, fellow Christians or even coworkers. If I hear even a hint of disrespect towards anyone based on what is listed above or any other sort of judging/minimalizing; I will block and unfriend you. If you, on the other hand; struggle with prejudice and wish to explore why; To be vulnerable and ask for guidance, seek to share what led you to feel this way? That, is a healthy conversation I would love for us to have.
Now, to define how I perceive prejudice; Prejudice is not Racism.
Racism says; ‘I hate you because you are a certain skin color.’ (This is a heart issue, full of anger and inability to empathize or recognize someone as even being human).
Prejudice says; ‘I don’t trust you; I fear you and I will avoid you’ (This is a matter of ignorance and not knowing how to relate/empathize. Sadly, this can grow into a hate of someone based on skin color, if allowed to grow bitter and fill with lies).
[One key thing to remember is assumption of prejudice, is in and of itself a prejudice.]
The majority of people possess some form of prejudice. Even in a small way. Here are only a few of the kinds listed below: (This is in no way an exhaustive list)
1. Prejudice against African Americans/Black people;
A prejudice I don’t understand. I cannot seem to wrap my mind around why this perpetuates and continues. It was they, who were enslaved, treated as ‘half a vote’, raped, attacked, killed and not allowed due process of the law for so long. (The only thing I can guess is some lies of individuals in the past have perpetuated into the present).
2. Prejudice against Middle Eastern people;
The main reason I know of is 9/11 and the assumptions that they are all ‘terrorists.' Which is a lie, I’m sad to hear so many believe. So many kind, generous and loving people from the Middle East suffer needlessly and are ‘randomly’ (insert eye roll...) picked out of lines to be ‘inspected’.
3. Prejudice of Jewish/Hebrew people;
I hear so many anti-Semitic things in television and casual conversations. To this day they are looked down on, judged and hated for idiotic reasons I also cannot fathom. Israel is incredibly generous; according to Gallup (https://www.gallup.com/analytics/245165/worlds-most-generous-countries-2018.aspx) Israel is ranked with a score of 42 (the highest being 59) and is more economically and socially involved than more than half of the other countries in the entire world. This wouldn’t seem such a big deal unless you consider how tiny they are.
4. Prejudice of Native American people;
This is a prejudice that runs rampant as well. It seems since many tribes and reservations mostly keep to themselves, we stay incredibly ignorant of just what atrocities still occur. We even see them in movies and wonder ‘gee why are reservation police such jerks? The FBI/Local Police ‘white man’ is just trying to get a criminal!’ No, they are careful because; rape, beatings, unfair process and more still happen today. If you don’t believe me then seek out the truth, ask people and learn just how fresh the abuse and hate is.
5. Prejudice of Hispanic/Latino;
How about the fact that we keep calling them the wrong thing? ‘Oh, they’re from Spain, right? No, from Latin America? No, Mexico!’ How about it doesn’t matter what country their ancestors are from? If someone wants to share, that’s fine. If you want to talk about ‘where they grew up’ and where you ‘grew up’? Why does it matter how their ancestors, parents or they themselves came to be here? Oh, we’re SO worried about losing jobs to ‘illegal immigrants’ and say hurtful slurs and statements like ‘go back to where you came from.'
Well if that is the case then how about you go back to Germany? Or perhaps Ireland? Or maybe England? How about somewhere in Europe? The majority of us, didn’t come to this land by ‘proper means.' We ran, swam, snuck in! Good for you if your ancestors actually followed a proper process, but how many didn’t? Your husband's great grandfather? Your wife’s great grandmother? Your best friend’s great aunt or uncle? And most of the land was stolen from the ones who settled it first by the way. *Cough-Cough* Native Americans *Cough-Cough*.
6. Prejudice against Asians;
I'm sure there is still a large amount of judgment and prejudice towards Asians in America today, but when I think about this topic. My mind goes to the not so distant past of World War 2, when we locked up Asian Americans that had nothing to do with Pearl Harbor in camps, treated them as enemies and took away their God given rights as well as not allowing any sort of justice/due process. Then even after the war the hate didn't end. So many families and businesses were either attacked or avoided. All because we in America were unable to look beyond outward similarities to 'enemies' from war.
7. Religion Prejudice;
Both from those inside religions and outside of them. We assume a group will be a certain way because of a past experience, media or who knows what lies were spoken to us from family/media. All Christians are not hateful, foolish and judgmental. Are some? Yes. Not all Islamic are extremist terrorists. Have there been some? Yes. Not all Jews are selfish/greedy and think they are better than others. Have there been any? Of course! I won’t list out every religion, but there is good and bad. Right and wrong, ignorance and wisdom, in every group and category. We need to not judge a group by a couple of bad eggs. After all, it’s the bad ones that get the most highlight, the good ones often are ignored. Violence/Crime are what sells papers and makes it into history books more often than not sadly.
8. Gender/Identity Prejudice;
Women and the glass ceiling. Pink Tax. How about the fact that they were not allowed to vote at all? When slaves were allowed for a vote to count as ‘1/2’, women didn’t count as even that much. Looked down on, abused, held back and assumed of their worth. Some countries would let the baby girls wash away in storms; others use women as bartering chips like they would cattle. The majority of Domestic or Sex crimes happen to women. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_differences_in_crime#Statistics)
Still men also receive prejudice. Mostly by women. They are told they are 'too masculine' or 'not masculine enough'. Men are told they should cry but taught not to. Men are told they can't be into things that are 'girl things', without them needing to be homosexual. (Seriously, I hear this a lot. Why is Art, Design, and good grooming reserved only for homosexual men? That makes no sense and is prejudice). Judged on what they do, but not who they are. Not allowed to have long hair to be respected by certain people. Told they look too 'old school' for other jobs.
Looking down on someone because of their choices? Judging someone, and mistreating them based on how they dress, speak, act and choose to express themselves? Their sexual orientation and actions make so many people act cruel or rude. It’s mind boggling. Okay, do I have to agree? No. Do I need to accept that person's personal convictions as my own and teach it to others? No. Do I need to respect each individual (As long as they mean me no harm, and act kind and considerate)? Yes. If you can’t agree, then respect the option to disagree. Have mature and intelligent conversations and be able to admire that the differences are what allow wisdom and understanding. We all have a story.
9. This brings us to White/Caucasian Prejudice;
Yes, this does exist. (And no, I’m not talking about ‘reverse racism’ that is an oxymoron. The opposite of racism would mean that I don’t have hate towards anyone. Racism/prejudice as you see above is not owned by any one group). Logically speaking if it's wrong to call any person by tone of skin, or color, yet not ‘white’ people. Then this is a small hint that there is a prejudice. If it is wrong for one ethnicity, then it should be wrong for all. I myself am more of a peach color.
That’s not the only reason though, please read my story to see what manner of prejudice I have experienced. And once again, I’m not saying it’s worse or better than any other. Nor do I wish to minimize or disrespect the tragedies in the world right now. I have hurts and past pain, that I wish to have healthy conversations and transparency about.
The only way I believe we can heal, is if we have a dialog. Not a monolog. We need all sides. Not just one or two. All. This is an invitation. I want to learn, and I want others to learn about me. To at least understand where I am coming from, the more we understand one another the more we can relate and empathize.
How my prejudice was born:
I, growing up as a white, below middle class, female in America, lived in various neighborhoods. I have experienced different types of prejudice. This is a snapshot of my story;
As a little girl, I was bullied. I wore glasses, had asthma, and later around puberty (9-10 for me) gained a lot of weight. It was the perfect storm to get picked on. We didn’t make tons of money to afford fancy or expensive clothing and stuff. My clothing was budget; second hand, or from Walmart. I had no friends, and the few I ever got, I always had to say goodbye to because stuff happened, like my dad lost his job, or something.
In Elementary, I had rich kids act like I was nothing, I was told by one kid that he was my friend, but when he was in front of others, he was mean. This hurt more than the girls who ignored me. I was injured with a concussion at school, and my teacher (a mean white woman) did not show care or concern. She had me walk to get a wet paper towel for my head (after falling down several steps and landing headfirst). She lied to my parents saying she sent me to a nurse. I was pulled from the school to begin homeschooling. Before then my mom was working but, we went from two incomes to one. She also began being a teacher for my cousins as well.
I lived in a Hispanic neighborhood, where we had thugs, blaring their radio, throwing glass bottles into the sewer (where a family of stray cats lived) located in front of my house. They did this regularly; it shook the windows and walls. It would be late at night while sleeping or early in the morning before waking up. A Hispanic family across the street, was cruel to their little terrier dog. It would get out, the poor thing was malnourished, and flea ridden. They had a big dog that we were certain abused this little one. We fed the dog and put a flea collar on it, but he wasn’t ours, so we didn’t try to keep him. The little dog went home. Later, he returned and looked in worse condition, the flea collar had been taken off and we decided to keep him. We didn’t hide it, and no one seemed to care. He was so malnourished that once we began to feed him properly, he grew almost twice his normal size.
Being a little girl, I might have begun to believe all Hispanic people acted this way, but thankfully I was introduced to a family that was my cousin was best friends with the son of. I met the girls Trisha and Lexi; I loved the girls and their mom! They were the sweetest. I visited them and stayed the night. I loved them so much.
The people who owned our house, kicked us out, not because we didn’t pay, but because they decided to give the house to their kids. This was after my dad had a stroke and was fired because he couldn’t work during that time. We couldn’t afford anything in that area, or even the surrounding areas. So, we moved about an hour away from all family, friends and familiar ground. We couldn’t afford to drive and visit people, so I became very isolated.
The place we found was an all African American neighborhood. I loved my next-door neighbors, a husband and wife. The sweetest people. She would call me ‘Miss Kim’. Sadly, on the other side and behind us, were unkind people; that abused their dogs and were rude. We didn’t trust the police for various reasons. So, we wouldn’t call anyone, which left me feeling helpless.
We wanted to find a church home, so my dad went to the ‘all black-church’ that was just down the road from us. The pastor and several staff loved him, and he enjoyed the service. He was going to tell us to come and that we would love it to. However, after his first visit, his tired got slashed. There was another day, that my dad was dressed in a hat, glasses, and more covert looking clothing (probably due to winter). Our neighbor, the ones we loved greeted him with ‘Boy what are you doing down in here?’ Apparently, he said something along the lines of ‘you better get going’ then realized when my dad turned around who he was and was like ‘Oh, shoot it’s you!’ When I learned these things, I became fearful. We were white, and we were obviously not welcome. I distanced myself form interacting with even my sweet neighbors, because they were saying that based on skin color. Even if they were nice to me, that meant they didn’t like white people. I was white, I couldn’t change that.
Later, the person who owned our house, decided to take the payments from us, not pay the bank and ran. Resulting in the bank telling us we had to leave. Once again, in a rush we had to move. Due to the financial hardship, we split up. I stayed with my cousin and my parents stayed with my aunt. We lost several of our dogs (we kept rescuing strays). The pain was immense. One dog got hit by a car, and the others were no longer able to be housed. We had to say goodbye, and no one could take them from us. The trauma of putting our ‘family members’ in a shelter, and not knowing if they were put to sleep or found homes haunts us to this day.
Later my parents managed to get a place they could afford, the apartments were full of pimps, drug dealers, and prostitutes. We had to hide that we were still over the legal limit of dogs at the apartments; Especially since we couldn’t afford the dog deposit. These were the 2 oldest and their 3 kids (2 of which I had with me).
My mom and dad struggled; they were strained and stressed and ended up legally separating. I had moved back in with my dad, when my cousin was moving. (I lost one of my 2 dogs while I was there, he ran away from fear during a power outage. I searched and never found him). While living there, we connected with a church that studied the Jewish roots of Christianity. My dad started to minister to the neighborhood residents with our church. Sharing about Jesus and asking them if they could pray with them. Dad asked me to go along, so I did. During it, this one guy stared at me, and it was that feeling that left me... unsettled. I felt sick and my skin was crawling. I was around 17 at this point. (I believe he was white).
I started noticing how guys looked at me after that, like I was something they ‘wanted’, but not a person. I began to hate that I was a woman. I started to try and walk different. Stop my hips from swaying. Baggy clothing and no bra to hide my chest. I didn’t wear makeup and dressed like a boy.
Not long later, two girls were found decapitated in a building not far away within our complex. (It was on the news). I drew into myself, avoided people more, especially men. I started to carry a knife. Planned what I would do if I was grabbed. Many little things happened along the way; such as when I went to the store, in an all Hispanic neighborhood; I got looks that made sure I knew, ‘I didn’t belong’, especially from the women. The men typically gave me that ‘object’ look.
It wasn’t until much later that I learned how much of a prejudice I grew to have. Towards men, all men. I was certain they looked at me like I was only worth ‘sex’ in their eyes. I was sure that most women either looked down on me or hated me because ‘I didn’t belong’. Memories of an apartment that was shot at in a drive by, mold under my carpet, living even now in an apartment that my neighbor's pot smoke and cigarette smoke sometimes billows into my house, causing immense asthma attacks, dizziness, and headaches. I have even gotten so high I wanted to throw up and could barely see straight.
Thanks to the kind people I met; being friends with kids of various shades of skin tone, listening to bands like DC Talk and their song, 'Colored People', helped ensure I didn’t gain a prejudice of skin color. I still remember a little black girl named Brittany who was my best friend, she even gave her precious little mermaid doll. I wonder where she is now. I wish I had never had to say goodbye.
Instead I gained a prejudice of unknown people, those that were 'strangers'. I thought women looked down on me because I was ugly and not worth a kind word. While men only cared about ‘one thing’. We all have a story. We all experience prejudice and I get angry when we don’t acknowledge the other sides of the equation. Just like other ethnicities, white people have to deal with hate as well. We can be assumed to be redneck and assumed to be racist. We need to know each other’s story.
I fear ‘offending’ people by using the terms; black, Indian, Hispanic... Phrases I heard my whole life; said in the wrong way or to the wrong person can have serious backlash. Even if my intentions are not mean. As a writer I fear, how I ‘describe’ skin tone, and if I write as a black person or any other ethnicity will I get hate? It’s paralyzing, and what can we do?
Above I used the term Racist/Racism, but throughout my story I mostly stuck with Prejudice, because I didn’t ‘hate’, I feared. I am have come and am growing to a place of healing. As well as understanding the lies I believed. Some lies, which have left me with physical problems due to ‘retraining’ the way I walked. Attempting to act more like a man. I now suffer terrible pain and am working to retrain myself to walk more like a ‘woman’ does, my natural sway and stride.
There is one last thing I want to speak of. How Racism is born.
This is a strong statement, but please stick with me. Scientifically no one is Racist. To be Racist, you have to hate the entire human race. All of a species. Like all dogs, or all cats...
Calling people from different ethnic groups, a ‘Race’ insinuates we are all different races, not human. It’s a wrong mentality and we need to acknowledge we are all humans. Equal, the same. We just look different. We have pain, a past and a story. Using the term Racism literally means looking at others as ‘lesser’, sub-human. We need a new word, I lean towards ‘Ethnicist’ someone against an Ethnicity. Most people don’t hate though. They fear, don’t understand or don’t know how to unlearn what they were taught.
People are being killed for these prejudices shown above. Each group, each one suffers hate, and most (if not all) to this day can be killed if you wander into the wrong country, state or neighborhood. Some of us have the privileges to avoid prejudice, or at least not the extremity of open persecution. However, so many others don't. This is why we must learn; we must talk and share the truth. Understand and empathize for all sides. Truth is what will win, Truth told in a loving way. An invitation to learn, to understand and educate. Both sides of the story. We must remember it’s not them VS us, it’s us verses a lie!
This what I have seen, experienced and learned. In essence, my story. What's yours
First, I want to preface this week’s blog post; I’m in no way intending to minimize or be insensitive to the atrocities taking place in the world; concerning acts of hate based on the color of one’s skin. I am doing my best to speak carefully and considerately. There are horrible things that have happened in recent present, as well as in the past two hundred plus years here on this continent (America).
I do not seek to compare or say any one group has suffered; more or less. Suffering is suffering, injustice is injustice and a crime against humanity is a crime. We all were created by God; equal. We all deserve; love, respect, and every opportunity anyone else would get. We should not be mistreated or looked down on the basis of; skin color, gender, age, height, weight, sexual orientation, self-identifying, religious beliefs or a lack thereof. In truth I hold firmly to the statement above, by Jesse Jackson. ‘Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping them up.’ [emphasis added].
With this stated, I want to talk about prejudice. I didn’t want to talk about this now, when the topic is so sensitive, due to this most recent and disgusting evil act against a man that should not have died (George Floyd). Yet, I feel such a strong weight on my heart, the need to speak. To share and be open about what I feel, think and fear.
Our nation is one of the most in denial places concerning prejudice. I wish to approach this topic logically and with vulnerability. I do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings; I want to talk about what I have noticed and experienced. Please, do not comment with hate, I will not allow arguments to erupt. I do not care if you are family, friends, fellow Christians or even coworkers. If I hear even a hint of disrespect towards anyone based on what is listed above or any other sort of judging/minimalizing; I will block and unfriend you. If you, on the other hand; struggle with prejudice and wish to explore why; To be vulnerable and ask for guidance, seek to share what led you to feel this way? That, is a healthy conversation I would love for us to have.
Now, to define how I perceive prejudice; Prejudice is not Racism.
Racism says; ‘I hate you because you are a certain skin color.’ (This is a heart issue, full of anger and inability to empathize or recognize someone as even being human).
Prejudice says; ‘I don’t trust you; I fear you and I will avoid you’ (This is a matter of ignorance and not knowing how to relate/empathize. Sadly, this can grow into a hate of someone based on skin color, if allowed to grow bitter and fill with lies).
[One key thing to remember is assumption of prejudice, is in and of itself a prejudice.]
The majority of people possess some form of prejudice. Even in a small way. Here are only a few of the kinds listed below: (This is in no way an exhaustive list)
1. Prejudice against African Americans/Black people;
A prejudice I don’t understand. I cannot seem to wrap my mind around why this perpetuates and continues. It was they, who were enslaved, treated as ‘half a vote’, raped, attacked, killed and not allowed due process of the law for so long. (The only thing I can guess is some lies of individuals in the past have perpetuated into the present).
2. Prejudice against Middle Eastern people;
The main reason I know of is 9/11 and the assumptions that they are all ‘terrorists.' Which is a lie, I’m sad to hear so many believe. So many kind, generous and loving people from the Middle East suffer needlessly and are ‘randomly’ (insert eye roll...) picked out of lines to be ‘inspected’.
3. Prejudice of Jewish/Hebrew people;
I hear so many anti-Semitic things in television and casual conversations. To this day they are looked down on, judged and hated for idiotic reasons I also cannot fathom. Israel is incredibly generous; according to Gallup (https://www.gallup.com/analytics/245165/worlds-most-generous-countries-2018.aspx) Israel is ranked with a score of 42 (the highest being 59) and is more economically and socially involved than more than half of the other countries in the entire world. This wouldn’t seem such a big deal unless you consider how tiny they are.
4. Prejudice of Native American people;
This is a prejudice that runs rampant as well. It seems since many tribes and reservations mostly keep to themselves, we stay incredibly ignorant of just what atrocities still occur. We even see them in movies and wonder ‘gee why are reservation police such jerks? The FBI/Local Police ‘white man’ is just trying to get a criminal!’ No, they are careful because; rape, beatings, unfair process and more still happen today. If you don’t believe me then seek out the truth, ask people and learn just how fresh the abuse and hate is.
5. Prejudice of Hispanic/Latino;
How about the fact that we keep calling them the wrong thing? ‘Oh, they’re from Spain, right? No, from Latin America? No, Mexico!’ How about it doesn’t matter what country their ancestors are from? If someone wants to share, that’s fine. If you want to talk about ‘where they grew up’ and where you ‘grew up’? Why does it matter how their ancestors, parents or they themselves came to be here? Oh, we’re SO worried about losing jobs to ‘illegal immigrants’ and say hurtful slurs and statements like ‘go back to where you came from.'
Well if that is the case then how about you go back to Germany? Or perhaps Ireland? Or maybe England? How about somewhere in Europe? The majority of us, didn’t come to this land by ‘proper means.' We ran, swam, snuck in! Good for you if your ancestors actually followed a proper process, but how many didn’t? Your husband's great grandfather? Your wife’s great grandmother? Your best friend’s great aunt or uncle? And most of the land was stolen from the ones who settled it first by the way. *Cough-Cough* Native Americans *Cough-Cough*.
6. Prejudice against Asians;
I'm sure there is still a large amount of judgment and prejudice towards Asians in America today, but when I think about this topic. My mind goes to the not so distant past of World War 2, when we locked up Asian Americans that had nothing to do with Pearl Harbor in camps, treated them as enemies and took away their God given rights as well as not allowing any sort of justice/due process. Then even after the war the hate didn't end. So many families and businesses were either attacked or avoided. All because we in America were unable to look beyond outward similarities to 'enemies' from war.
7. Religion Prejudice;
Both from those inside religions and outside of them. We assume a group will be a certain way because of a past experience, media or who knows what lies were spoken to us from family/media. All Christians are not hateful, foolish and judgmental. Are some? Yes. Not all Islamic are extremist terrorists. Have there been some? Yes. Not all Jews are selfish/greedy and think they are better than others. Have there been any? Of course! I won’t list out every religion, but there is good and bad. Right and wrong, ignorance and wisdom, in every group and category. We need to not judge a group by a couple of bad eggs. After all, it’s the bad ones that get the most highlight, the good ones often are ignored. Violence/Crime are what sells papers and makes it into history books more often than not sadly.
8. Gender/Identity Prejudice;
Women and the glass ceiling. Pink Tax. How about the fact that they were not allowed to vote at all? When slaves were allowed for a vote to count as ‘1/2’, women didn’t count as even that much. Looked down on, abused, held back and assumed of their worth. Some countries would let the baby girls wash away in storms; others use women as bartering chips like they would cattle. The majority of Domestic or Sex crimes happen to women. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_differences_in_crime#Statistics)
Still men also receive prejudice. Mostly by women. They are told they are 'too masculine' or 'not masculine enough'. Men are told they should cry but taught not to. Men are told they can't be into things that are 'girl things', without them needing to be homosexual. (Seriously, I hear this a lot. Why is Art, Design, and good grooming reserved only for homosexual men? That makes no sense and is prejudice). Judged on what they do, but not who they are. Not allowed to have long hair to be respected by certain people. Told they look too 'old school' for other jobs.
Looking down on someone because of their choices? Judging someone, and mistreating them based on how they dress, speak, act and choose to express themselves? Their sexual orientation and actions make so many people act cruel or rude. It’s mind boggling. Okay, do I have to agree? No. Do I need to accept that person's personal convictions as my own and teach it to others? No. Do I need to respect each individual (As long as they mean me no harm, and act kind and considerate)? Yes. If you can’t agree, then respect the option to disagree. Have mature and intelligent conversations and be able to admire that the differences are what allow wisdom and understanding. We all have a story.
9. This brings us to White/Caucasian Prejudice;
Yes, this does exist. (And no, I’m not talking about ‘reverse racism’ that is an oxymoron. The opposite of racism would mean that I don’t have hate towards anyone. Racism/prejudice as you see above is not owned by any one group). Logically speaking if it's wrong to call any person by tone of skin, or color, yet not ‘white’ people. Then this is a small hint that there is a prejudice. If it is wrong for one ethnicity, then it should be wrong for all. I myself am more of a peach color.
That’s not the only reason though, please read my story to see what manner of prejudice I have experienced. And once again, I’m not saying it’s worse or better than any other. Nor do I wish to minimize or disrespect the tragedies in the world right now. I have hurts and past pain, that I wish to have healthy conversations and transparency about.
The only way I believe we can heal, is if we have a dialog. Not a monolog. We need all sides. Not just one or two. All. This is an invitation. I want to learn, and I want others to learn about me. To at least understand where I am coming from, the more we understand one another the more we can relate and empathize.
How my prejudice was born:
I, growing up as a white, below middle class, female in America, lived in various neighborhoods. I have experienced different types of prejudice. This is a snapshot of my story;
As a little girl, I was bullied. I wore glasses, had asthma, and later around puberty (9-10 for me) gained a lot of weight. It was the perfect storm to get picked on. We didn’t make tons of money to afford fancy or expensive clothing and stuff. My clothing was budget; second hand, or from Walmart. I had no friends, and the few I ever got, I always had to say goodbye to because stuff happened, like my dad lost his job, or something.
In Elementary, I had rich kids act like I was nothing, I was told by one kid that he was my friend, but when he was in front of others, he was mean. This hurt more than the girls who ignored me. I was injured with a concussion at school, and my teacher (a mean white woman) did not show care or concern. She had me walk to get a wet paper towel for my head (after falling down several steps and landing headfirst). She lied to my parents saying she sent me to a nurse. I was pulled from the school to begin homeschooling. Before then my mom was working but, we went from two incomes to one. She also began being a teacher for my cousins as well.
I lived in a Hispanic neighborhood, where we had thugs, blaring their radio, throwing glass bottles into the sewer (where a family of stray cats lived) located in front of my house. They did this regularly; it shook the windows and walls. It would be late at night while sleeping or early in the morning before waking up. A Hispanic family across the street, was cruel to their little terrier dog. It would get out, the poor thing was malnourished, and flea ridden. They had a big dog that we were certain abused this little one. We fed the dog and put a flea collar on it, but he wasn’t ours, so we didn’t try to keep him. The little dog went home. Later, he returned and looked in worse condition, the flea collar had been taken off and we decided to keep him. We didn’t hide it, and no one seemed to care. He was so malnourished that once we began to feed him properly, he grew almost twice his normal size.
Being a little girl, I might have begun to believe all Hispanic people acted this way, but thankfully I was introduced to a family that was my cousin was best friends with the son of. I met the girls Trisha and Lexi; I loved the girls and their mom! They were the sweetest. I visited them and stayed the night. I loved them so much.
The people who owned our house, kicked us out, not because we didn’t pay, but because they decided to give the house to their kids. This was after my dad had a stroke and was fired because he couldn’t work during that time. We couldn’t afford anything in that area, or even the surrounding areas. So, we moved about an hour away from all family, friends and familiar ground. We couldn’t afford to drive and visit people, so I became very isolated.
The place we found was an all African American neighborhood. I loved my next-door neighbors, a husband and wife. The sweetest people. She would call me ‘Miss Kim’. Sadly, on the other side and behind us, were unkind people; that abused their dogs and were rude. We didn’t trust the police for various reasons. So, we wouldn’t call anyone, which left me feeling helpless.
We wanted to find a church home, so my dad went to the ‘all black-church’ that was just down the road from us. The pastor and several staff loved him, and he enjoyed the service. He was going to tell us to come and that we would love it to. However, after his first visit, his tired got slashed. There was another day, that my dad was dressed in a hat, glasses, and more covert looking clothing (probably due to winter). Our neighbor, the ones we loved greeted him with ‘Boy what are you doing down in here?’ Apparently, he said something along the lines of ‘you better get going’ then realized when my dad turned around who he was and was like ‘Oh, shoot it’s you!’ When I learned these things, I became fearful. We were white, and we were obviously not welcome. I distanced myself form interacting with even my sweet neighbors, because they were saying that based on skin color. Even if they were nice to me, that meant they didn’t like white people. I was white, I couldn’t change that.
Later, the person who owned our house, decided to take the payments from us, not pay the bank and ran. Resulting in the bank telling us we had to leave. Once again, in a rush we had to move. Due to the financial hardship, we split up. I stayed with my cousin and my parents stayed with my aunt. We lost several of our dogs (we kept rescuing strays). The pain was immense. One dog got hit by a car, and the others were no longer able to be housed. We had to say goodbye, and no one could take them from us. The trauma of putting our ‘family members’ in a shelter, and not knowing if they were put to sleep or found homes haunts us to this day.
Later my parents managed to get a place they could afford, the apartments were full of pimps, drug dealers, and prostitutes. We had to hide that we were still over the legal limit of dogs at the apartments; Especially since we couldn’t afford the dog deposit. These were the 2 oldest and their 3 kids (2 of which I had with me).
My mom and dad struggled; they were strained and stressed and ended up legally separating. I had moved back in with my dad, when my cousin was moving. (I lost one of my 2 dogs while I was there, he ran away from fear during a power outage. I searched and never found him). While living there, we connected with a church that studied the Jewish roots of Christianity. My dad started to minister to the neighborhood residents with our church. Sharing about Jesus and asking them if they could pray with them. Dad asked me to go along, so I did. During it, this one guy stared at me, and it was that feeling that left me... unsettled. I felt sick and my skin was crawling. I was around 17 at this point. (I believe he was white).
I started noticing how guys looked at me after that, like I was something they ‘wanted’, but not a person. I began to hate that I was a woman. I started to try and walk different. Stop my hips from swaying. Baggy clothing and no bra to hide my chest. I didn’t wear makeup and dressed like a boy.
Not long later, two girls were found decapitated in a building not far away within our complex. (It was on the news). I drew into myself, avoided people more, especially men. I started to carry a knife. Planned what I would do if I was grabbed. Many little things happened along the way; such as when I went to the store, in an all Hispanic neighborhood; I got looks that made sure I knew, ‘I didn’t belong’, especially from the women. The men typically gave me that ‘object’ look.
It wasn’t until much later that I learned how much of a prejudice I grew to have. Towards men, all men. I was certain they looked at me like I was only worth ‘sex’ in their eyes. I was sure that most women either looked down on me or hated me because ‘I didn’t belong’. Memories of an apartment that was shot at in a drive by, mold under my carpet, living even now in an apartment that my neighbor's pot smoke and cigarette smoke sometimes billows into my house, causing immense asthma attacks, dizziness, and headaches. I have even gotten so high I wanted to throw up and could barely see straight.
Thanks to the kind people I met; being friends with kids of various shades of skin tone, listening to bands like DC Talk and their song, 'Colored People', helped ensure I didn’t gain a prejudice of skin color. I still remember a little black girl named Brittany who was my best friend, she even gave her precious little mermaid doll. I wonder where she is now. I wish I had never had to say goodbye.
Instead I gained a prejudice of unknown people, those that were 'strangers'. I thought women looked down on me because I was ugly and not worth a kind word. While men only cared about ‘one thing’. We all have a story. We all experience prejudice and I get angry when we don’t acknowledge the other sides of the equation. Just like other ethnicities, white people have to deal with hate as well. We can be assumed to be redneck and assumed to be racist. We need to know each other’s story.
I fear ‘offending’ people by using the terms; black, Indian, Hispanic... Phrases I heard my whole life; said in the wrong way or to the wrong person can have serious backlash. Even if my intentions are not mean. As a writer I fear, how I ‘describe’ skin tone, and if I write as a black person or any other ethnicity will I get hate? It’s paralyzing, and what can we do?
Above I used the term Racist/Racism, but throughout my story I mostly stuck with Prejudice, because I didn’t ‘hate’, I feared. I am have come and am growing to a place of healing. As well as understanding the lies I believed. Some lies, which have left me with physical problems due to ‘retraining’ the way I walked. Attempting to act more like a man. I now suffer terrible pain and am working to retrain myself to walk more like a ‘woman’ does, my natural sway and stride.
There is one last thing I want to speak of. How Racism is born.
This is a strong statement, but please stick with me. Scientifically no one is Racist. To be Racist, you have to hate the entire human race. All of a species. Like all dogs, or all cats...
Calling people from different ethnic groups, a ‘Race’ insinuates we are all different races, not human. It’s a wrong mentality and we need to acknowledge we are all humans. Equal, the same. We just look different. We have pain, a past and a story. Using the term Racism literally means looking at others as ‘lesser’, sub-human. We need a new word, I lean towards ‘Ethnicist’ someone against an Ethnicity. Most people don’t hate though. They fear, don’t understand or don’t know how to unlearn what they were taught.
People are being killed for these prejudices shown above. Each group, each one suffers hate, and most (if not all) to this day can be killed if you wander into the wrong country, state or neighborhood. Some of us have the privileges to avoid prejudice, or at least not the extremity of open persecution. However, so many others don't. This is why we must learn; we must talk and share the truth. Understand and empathize for all sides. Truth is what will win, Truth told in a loving way. An invitation to learn, to understand and educate. Both sides of the story. We must remember it’s not them VS us, it’s us verses a lie!
This what I have seen, experienced and learned. In essence, my story. What's yours?